Reel VS. Real

By: Ashton Kelley Photography

A few weeks ago, I hosted our second major travel retreat in The Outerbanks, North Carolina. Six months of planning, networking with guest hosts Amanda Hedgepeth and Courtney Jones, begging vendors to get involved and sponsor our event, and marking days off the calendar lead me to a weekend with 17 girls waiting to hear from me. Despite everything I had done, the pretty introduction slides, the gorgeous and elaborate details, or the amazing swag, I just couldn’t bring myself to commit to my typical subjects. Every time I tried to sit down and finish the Power Point presentation, I was left starring at a blinking cursor. My heart was being pulled in a different direction.

We arrived at Crawford Cottage the Wednesday before the workshop would begin. Girls were due to arrive on Friday, and we felt we had ample time to put everything together. It was certainly  more time than we’d been allotted with our circumstances on previous dates, but we still wasted no time. The girls and I unloaded cars, assembled welcome gift bags, stocked the kitchen, and tried to prepare as best we could. As we sat together later that night, I admitted to my team that I had not yet completed my presentation for my own event. Despite having so many notes and perfectly good topics to expand on, I told them how I just did not feel passionate talking about the hamster wheel grind. I admit it to you, too, because as you’ll see.. it furthers my point.

I ended up writing a whole, new presentation the night before I did it. I wrote it emotionally, with a fury, ready to share it. Instead of speaking about how to write a better blog or what website host you should be investing in, I spoke about authenticity. My hour was filled with being open, raw, and honest with the women before me about how important it is to remember to be real with yourself.

When I started my photography business, I didn’t intend to be an educator. I never imagined that years down the road, I’d be building a small and growing creative community, and that we’d be bringing those people together to travel and learn! I couldn’t foresee the attention that would come along with it, the assumptions people would have about my life because of social media, and the weight that it would be to carry. I did not realize that it would be so hard, at times, to separate the highlight reel from the real life story.

      Reel vs. Real

REEL (Perception)                               |                                REAL (Reality)

She has so many bookings! She’s so successful!!

vs.

She works 80+ hours a week without help.

.  .  .  .  .

He just got a new Nikon camera! 

vs.

He saved all wedding season to buy it used.

.  .  .  .  .

They are traveling, AGAIN!

vs.

They stopped for an Instagram photo on their way to a job

.  .  .  .  .

Her desk always looks so perfect!

vs.

She used images from a stock shoot, and her office is a hot mess express

.  .  .  .  .

She looks beautiful in all of  her social media posts!

vs.

She wears no make up, sweat pants, and sits in front of a computer most of the week.

.  .  .  .  .

He’s so much better than me! He booked that wedding I wanted!

vs.

He just connected with the couple more, and had no idea you were being considered.

We have this tendency to look through social media’s lens at other people’s lives. We see where they’re going, what they’re up to, the exciting new purchases they’ve made, and most importantly-we compare it to what we don’t have or aren’t doing. It’s a dangerous thing to forget that we are showing selective moments, only those we want to share with others. I mean, let’s be real, how often are you posting a selfie to show off your new zit or that you didn’t get hired for that dream wedding? It’s okay that you don’t share those things, but we have to remember what we see is not all that exists. And also, that not everything is as it seems. Running a business means sacrificing your soapbox, your ability to be negative openly, separating yourself from big opinions that might offend your target market, and so much more.

Only we have the power to stop the cycle. Only we can change the perception by putting ourselves in other people’s shoes, seeing past the perfectly curated social media account, and getting to know them. It’s time to get out of our computer chairs, up from behind the keyboard conversations we hold in online forums, and to start forming personal relationships again. Let’s stop judging someone’s well-being and success through a screen, and instead, let’s sit down and grab a cup of coffee and be a shoulder to lean on. “Everyone is going through a struggle you know nothing about.” Imagine how much easier it would be if we had authentic friendships to lean on. Let’s be that for each other!

Today, I urge you to get out there and set a date with your fellow creative! Whether it’s coffee with one, or lunch with a few, make a real date to commit to. Meet, in person, and share with one another. Pick a topic to discuss, or just get to know each other. Either way, I can’t wait to hear about your new connections!

-Ash

:: Post your in person meet-ups on Instagram, tagging @akpretreat and using #shutterdates. We’d love to see what you’re doing together!

Ashton Kelley Photography | Maryland Wedding Photographer

Photography | Alicia Wiley Photography

Event | AKP Sunny Retreat

Venue | Crawford Cottage OBX